drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
