After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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