The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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