Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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