After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I touched a dick in church today
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
