I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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