I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
