Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
