So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
