once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
