I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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