Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
