we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
