We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
