I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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