I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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