My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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