Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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