after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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