There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
