So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
