Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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