I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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