My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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