Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i barfeds in our rink
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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