I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
