Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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