He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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