The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
