Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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