You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
