If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found puke in my bra..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
