If that was your dad, he is hot
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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