I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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