This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
