The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
