Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
