Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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