I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
