I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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