Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
