My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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