so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
