so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
