Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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