so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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