You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
