When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
