I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
