I cockslap morals
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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