The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
