alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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